Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
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