I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
