mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize