my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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