if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
