At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
