I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize