Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize