I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
