I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
