return my video game
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
