i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
