my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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