I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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