Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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