Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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