brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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