oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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