We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
