neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
