Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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