Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
