Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I AM VODKA MAN
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
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