One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
