Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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