I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
