Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
