You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
