The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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