Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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