No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
