it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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