I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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