just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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