Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
