She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
