do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
