I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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