I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
