i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
