it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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