I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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