I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it's great music for shaving your balls
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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