It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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