i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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