He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
