she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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