So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
