it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
