we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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