Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
