Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Semen is not good for contacts.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
