Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"

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(210): View more from Texas

I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.

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(804): View more from Virginia

If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.

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(916): View more from California

1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.

(707): View more from California

*roof

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.

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(925): View more from California

We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.

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(951): View more from California

wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?

(1-951): View more from California

please go to sleep

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(661): View more from California

I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.

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