Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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