Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
