I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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