I accidentally burped into my bong.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
