I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
