i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
