My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just gift wrapped bread.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
