Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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