i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
