Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
