she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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