mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
