this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
