Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
