i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
