I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
