then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
